"Husbands, love your wives..."

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,"

-Ephesians 5:25

With this blog entry, I wanted to drop a line of encouragement to my fellow brothers (who are married) to spur you on to "love and good deeds" concerning your bride. The fact of the matter is, we all "married up" and as Valentine's Day approaches tomorrow, I am freshly reminded how blessed I am as husband, all the while how much I need to grow and desire to grow in walking out the charge Paul gives here in Ephesians. With that I just want to share with you some reflections on this passage, as well as some ideas on how to apply this to our own lives.

1. Grow in your love for Christ. Do you long to grow in love with your bride and knowing how to walk with her in God honoring ways? May I exhort you to grow in your affections for the One we are to imitate. I have found that when I grow in my love for Christ, imitating Him is less of a duty and it becomes more of a heart felt longing to fulfill. I have found this to be true in walking with my wonderful bride. The more I love Christ, the more I find loving my wife as not just something "I'm suppose to do," but what I delight in more and more. The more I love myself and my ways, the less I find my affections stirred for Christ, and thus, the love I am to have for my wife, becomes "programmed responses" of duty that more often than not, can be just superfisial actions that look more like duty, than a delight of my heart that I can't wait to walk out. Men, we must love Christ!
2. Mortify selfishness. I am a selfish man by nature. "Me-time" is forever an easy accomplishment in "Matthew World." May I encourage you to seek to put laziness to death, when it comes in relating with your bride. One specific encouragement that I would give, would be many-a-man's tendency, and that is towards laziness as it manifests itself in communication - not wanting to talk, think or lead lovingly and patiently. Again, my friends, I would drive you to Christ. Meditate on His sacrifice on the Cross for us. Think about His patience with us. Think and relish the amount of words Christ has given to us in His Word that communicate to us His great, lavish, deep, life giving love for us. May we imitate this in meaningful words of expressing our love, thankfulness, appreciation and affection for the ones our Lord has given to us. Again, come to Christ to see His care, tenderness and compassion that He has had on us. May we find our motives to increasingly so, to mortify selfishness through our love for Christ, thus making Scripture's application a source of joy and celebration in our acts of love towards our wives, rather than just "mere moralism," (meaning, because "you have to do ______ in order to be a good husband.")
3. Look actively for ways to "give yourself up for her." Look for ways, because of Christ and His Glorious Gospel, to out do your wife in showing love and affection for her. We are called to live with our wives in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7), this means we seek to truly understand her and seek to walk in ways with her that will serve her. We seek to understand and then lead her to Christ from there, rather than just attempting to be "understood." In communication, it means we penetrate those moments of awkward silence, with meaningful actions and words that express our compassion, care, love and desire to live our lives with them in such a way that our wives are served in their own growth in Godliness.

Here are some practical helps and resources...

• Boycott Hallmark! Make up your own words! Just kidding...sort of... Being from K.C. I greatly appreciate Hallmark, and I do confess, I buy quite a few cards from them...and this is not a bad place to start...however, may I exhort you to yes, make up your own words expressing your appreciation, love and thankfulness for who she is and all that she does. Tell her of your anticipation for the future, in growing old, in love, together.
• C.J. Mahaney's book, "Sex, Romance and The Glory of God" is an outstanding resource...(as a matter of fact...I need to get that book back out and read it again!)
• You don't have to spend a lot of money for something to be meaningful. Take a picnic at a park. Surprise her with lunch one day, by coming by during your lunch break and having lunch together. Go out for a cup of coffee. Write her a simple note of appreciation. (log on to Family Life Today www.familylifetoday.com they have a great email service, of emailing you romantic tips throughout the month of little things you can do).
• Spend some money. Set aside some funds to bless her with...clothing, a nice dinner, etc.
• Plan your next get away together...this gives both of you something to look forward together that will be just about the two of you and the cultivation of romance. This also will give you more of an idea of the things she likes and would like to do.
• Plan surprises...look to be creative as you can...but the surprises can be as simple as coming home early, making dinner for her and giving her the night off allowing her to go take a bubble bath, relax, read a book, etc.
• Go to the church's website and read "101 Ways A Husband May Express Love To His Wife" then get out your day timer and plan those 101 ways... (http://www.providencecommunitychurch.net/providence/101_ways_to_love_your_wife)

These are just some sugguestions and I trust this will serve all of us as we seek to grow in loving Our Savior and living in the good of the gospel as it applies to our marriages. Thank you men for your godly example, your love for your wives and your love for the Savior. Keep loving! Keep Changing! And remind your pastor of this blog entry often for his own good! Thank you!